Your Plan for Managing Emotional Flashbacks

Emotional flashbacks can occur suddenly, overwhelming and unexpected. Or they build up slowly and with lower/moderate intensity. In these moments, your nervous system is reacting as if you’re in danger or your relationships are not safe – even if no actual threat is present. These reactions stem from your nervous system responding to perceived threats due to internal or external triggers. They are often tied to unresolved childhood trauma or deep emotional wounds of the past, even when no actual danger exists in the present.

You may find yourself with feelings of helplessness, despair, or an inability to act. The intensity can range from moderate/manageable (but uncomfortable) to intense feelings of fear, panic, shame or an overwhelming urge to escape. With lower intensity you may remain functional and may tend to ignore your emotions and body sensations. With higher intensity it may be hard to think clearly or seek support.

An Emotional First-Aid Kit offers simple, practical tools to soothe your body, ground your mind, and restore a sense of safety. Gentle, somatic strategies can help you regulate your nervous system, reconnect with the present moment, and respond with compassion rather than fear. Having a prepared response plan empowers you to manage triggers, calm intense emotions, and honor your needs effectively.

This Emotional First-Aid-Kit offers simple somatic, trauma-informed strategies to calm your nervous system when experiencing an emotional flashback, helping you return to presence and calm.

Seven Steps for Managing Emotional Flash Back

When an emotional flashback hits, it can feel overwhelming and cause helplessness. A structured plan can help you regain control and find calm. The following 7-step guide offers practical, somatic tools to manage intense emotions, soothe your nervous system, and reconnect with yourself compassionately.

Overview

1. Recognize Emotional Flashback & Take Responsibility

• Acknowledge that you are experiencing an emotional flashback (without judging yourself)
  • When you are triggerd into an emotional flashback, say to yourself, “My nervous system is experiencing an emotional flashback right now.” (Speaking it out loud may be more impactful than just thinking it.)
  • Note: This reaction is just a sign that your body and emotions are reacting to something akin to an old trigger, even if the perceived threat does not pose actual danger, or if the trigger is not even clear.
• Responsible adult: Set the intention to take responsibility for the situation:
  • As soon as you realise that you’ve been triggered, make a decision: Resolve to take care of yourself as a responsible adult.
  • Say to yourself: “I am a grown up [man / woman] and I will now deal with the situation and take care of myself.”

2. Establish Safety

Ideally Reconnect to a Safe Person

Emotional flashbacks go back to attachment trauma in childhood. – i.e. situations in which the secure contact that the child needed was not possible or was interrupted. This is complicated by the fact that often the caregivers themselves were the cause of the suffering – whether through emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, neglect, unavailability (e.g. due to sickness) or overprotection.

A key to overcoming an emotional flashback may therefore be a safe contact with a trustworthy person. This could be a close friend, your partner, or a therapist. It is sufficient if the person is “safe enough” (i.e. we look for relative safety not perfection). It is important to break through the isolation and be seen and not judged in your emotional distress. Share your feelings, even if it is only a few words. If speaking is too difficult, even the compassionate presence of another person can be healing. The presence of this safe person can make you aware that you are not alone and that a safe connection is possible.

Often, however, it is not possible to contact a trusted person in time, or the people around you may not be perceived as trustworthy because they are connected to the triggers. In this case, take charge of the situation yourself: You can do this by

• going to a safe space,
• releasing energy through movement, or
• performing the emergency break exercise (see the next subsections for details).

Over time, moments of co-regulation (feeling understood and supported) will help rewire the brain’s response to trauma, fostering a sense of security and trust. If safe connection is not possible, the steps outlined below can be used to take care of yourself.

Communicate

Often the first step to safety will be to step out of the unsafe situation, i.e. leaving the room, stopping the phone call, or even small moves like changing the topic. This protects you from further external triggers in unsafe contact. It also interrupts the a spiral of reaction and counter-reaction, which often damages further the relational quality and brings about more triggers (for oneself and other people involved).

Please note: Breaking off contact can also reactivate insecure attachment patterns. For example, my own fear can be activated: “Will my partner still love me if I leave her / him in the middle of an argument?”. Additionally, the other person may get triggered as well (reactivation of their insecure attachment / abandonment trauma). This dynamic can keep both partners in relationships trapped in a spiral of triggers.

Therefore it is important to communicate: Communicate before going to your safe space or going for a run to release flight energy. Avoid assigning blame and simply communicate your plan in a neutral manner to manage the other person’s expectations. You can also prepare and announce this behavior in advance – ideally in a situation where you still feel safe and are not triggered.

• Communicate in the situation (when you have a flashback):
  • Say calmly but firm, “I need a moment to feel safe. I’ll come back when I’m ready.”
  • (Note: Communication is important to mitigate that others are being triggered by your behaviour.)
• Communicate before the situation (when you still feel safe):
  • “Sometimes I suffer from emotional flashbacks. This has often nothing to do with the situation or your behaviour. It is that, I got triggered by something. In such situations I need some space for myself to regroup and will therefore withdraw. Please understand that and allow me that space!”

It is important to communicate in order to minimise triggering insecure attachment patterns in other people. However, please note that it is not always possible to prevent others from being triggered in turn. The other person needs to take care of their own attachment patterns.

Enter your your Safe Space / Sanctuary

You may go to a Safe Space / Sanctuary either in reality or by entering a place of inner safety through inner processes:

• Withdraw to a real Safe Space:
  • Go to your real Safe Space (see Prevention) if possible / appropriate.
  • If you feel the urge to withdraw or run away, that’s totally okay. Ideally discharge some energy through movement as you move to a safe space.
• Visualize a Safe Space / Sanctuary:
  If you feel unable to leave the current situation due to freeze or fawn responses, try
  • visualising yourself going to your Safe Space, or
  • close your eyes and picture yourself in your Sanctuary (see Prevention).
• Visualize a Protective Shield:
  • If you have to continue dealing with the difficult situation / difficult people imagine a protective shield in front of you or a protective bubble around you, which protects you from negative energies.
• Use a Safe Anchor Object
  • You may also focus your attention on your Anchor Object (see Prevention) and in this way support creating a feeling of safety.

Release Flight Energy by physical movement

• If you feel restless, try to move physically. Restlessness may be an indication of the flight impulse.
• You may go for a brisk walk or go for a run to help discharging flight energy.
• Use the emotional energy for physical movement.

Emergency Break: Use tension with intention (Knee vs. Arm-Pressure)

If you’re experiencing a very strong emotional reaction (bordering on a panic attack), it’s important to deal with and discharge the emotional energy. However in some situations it may not be possible to move physically (on a plane, at work, you can’t leave the house etc).

The following exercise aims to release the enormous physical energy by tensing larger muscle groups. At the same time, the mind is focused on a strenuous physical exercise (i.e., away from the fearful fantasies).

It is difficult to maintain an emotional flashback, panic attack, or other strong emotions while engaging the body in focused physical activity!

3. Observe Your Body Reactions

Once your body feels calm enough, begin to bring gentle awareness to your internal experience. Shift into the role of a compassionate observer—there’s nothing to fix or judge, only to notice.

• Choose to Observe with Curiosity
  • Decide to observe your experience from a neutral, grounded perspective. Become curious.
  • “I am experiencing an emotional flashback. I will observe what is happening in my body and nervous system with curiosity and compassion.“
  • This simple intention can create space between you and the emotional flashback, helping you stay connected to the present.
• Acknowledge Your Body Cues
  • Body reactions are just signals of your nervous system, indicating an emotional reaction.
  • Notice physical signs that may signal emotional distress, e.g. shallow or rapid breathing, a tight chest, pounding heart, cold hands, clenched jaw, or a heavy knotted feeling in the stomach.
  • Acknowledge each body cue. Silently say: “I sense [tightness in my chest].” … “I sense [tension in my throat].”
• Name the Emotion
  • Name the emotion associated with the sensation. Name it: “I feel [fear]” … “I fell [sadness]“
  • Naming the emotion acknowledges it from the observer perspective. This can gently reconnect you to your emotional self and reduce confusion or shame.
• Normalise the Response:
  • Reassure yourself that what you’re feeling is a natural response to perceived danger.
  • Remind yourself that the strength of the reaction may be rooted in past experiences rather than actual threat in the present.
  • Remind yourself gently,
    • “This is my body’s natural response to feeling unsafe.”
    • “My nervous system is reacting in a way that made sense at some point in the past.”
    • “I can support myself now as I move toward safety.”
    • “The actual Situation currently is safe / there is no real problem in the present.” or “The actual Situation currently is safe, I can deal with the small problem.” (if that is the case)

4. Soothe Your Nervous System

• Use a Calming Mantra
  • Speak or think:
    “I am safe now. This moment will pass.”
• Simple Belly-Breathing with Intention – Longer Exhale Than Inhale
  • In situations where we feel threatened, we sometimes hold our breath out of fear, or our breath becomes shallow and constricted. A key step in regaining our ability to act is to breathe normally again. With a conscious deep breathing, we can release our diaphragm and activate our parasympathetic nervous system.
  • Breath into your belly and focus on making your exhale longer than your inhale (e.g., inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds). This signals safety to your nervous system. Repeat 5-10 times or until you feel a slight shift.
  • Note: Make it easy for yourself: Breathe into your belly and breathe out longer than you breathe in. (In situations where you are triggered, use this simple technique instead of making it more complicated with more sophisticated techniques).
• Self-Touch for Self-Support:
  • To support yourself, place your hands on the areas of your body where you feel emotional turmoil.
  • If you don’t know where to place your hands or where to start, place one hand on your heart and the other on your belly. Feel your breath flowing under your hands. This gentle touch can bring you back into your body without the need for external contact.
  • Acknowledge what the touch does to you (“I feel my hand on my chest – This is calming me!“)
• Engage Your Anchor Object (see Prevention):
  • Hold your gemstone or scented object. Concentrate on the texture, weight or smell to stay present.
• Other Self-Soothing Actions:
  • Drink some water
  • Splash your face with cool water to remind you of the present and reset your nervous system.
  • Wrap yourself in a soft blanket or scarf for a sense of containment.
  • Hum softly or listen to calming sounds (e.g., rain, gentle music).

A mantra can focus the mind on a positive message. Breathing, self-touch, and anchor objects can activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

5. Grounding & Gentle Your Thoughts

Dealing with your thoughts typically only happens, once the body and the nervous system has been calmed sufficiently.

5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding to Reality Technique

Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding to Reality Technique: Use your senses to connect to the external environment. This exercise goes back to Yvonne Dolan, a psychotherapist specialising in solution-focused brief therapy and trauma. Dolan adapted Betty Erickson’s self-hypnosis technique into a grounding exercise specifically for trauma survivors.

• See 5 things (e.g., a tree, a cup).
• Touch / sense 4 things (e.g., your sleeve, a chair).
• Hear 3 sounds (e.g., sound of birds, traffic noise, your own breath)
• Smell 2 things (e.g., flower, essential oil, perfume).
• Taste 1 thing (e.g., a sip of water, chewing gum).

Conscious recognition of perception: Acknowledge each item. Nod to it, say out loud what you perceive (e.g. “I see the glass on the table.”, “I feel the skin of my left arm with my right hand”, “I hear the noise of the cars outside” etc.)

Go through each sensory channel – then repeat as needed.

Keep a Emergency Card with the 5-4-3-2-1-Technique in your wallet or your phone cover. See downloadable / printable Emergency Card below for quick reference.

The 5-4-3-2-1 method helps to redirect attention away from fearful fantasies by focusing on concrete current sensory perceptions (seeing 5 things, touching 4, hearing 3, smelling 2, tasting 1). This breaks the vicious cycle of fear / panic.

Other Ways to Gentle your Thoughts

It can be difficult to perform cognitive work in a state of dysregulation. Therefore you should only move on to this step once your body feels calmer, such as after your breathing has slowed and your heart rate has settled.

• Visualise Safety:
  • Picture a place where you feel at peace (e.g., a quiet forest, a warm beach).
  • Imagine its colours, sounds, and textures to calm your mind.
• Observe Your Thoughts: Stopping Self-Talk and Inner Narratives:
  • You don’t need to fight your thoughts and inner narratives. – Just observe your thoughts.
  • Notice thoughts like “I’m not good enough” and gently name them: “My mind is telling me a story about not being enough.”
• Offer kindness to yourself:
  • Replace self-judging thoughts with a gentle truth, like, “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough for now.”
  • Recall a small moment when you felt appreciated to make the inner-dialogue less one-sided.
• Notice how your thoughts contribute to your emotions:
  • E.g. “The thought that I [am not good enough / will be rejected by my partner… etc] scares me.”
  • E.g. “The thought that I might get into a fight with my boss makes me afraid of being fired.”

6. Reconnect to people / situations who may not be safe

Reconnecting with people who aren’t fully safe, i.e. those who may unintentionally trigger you from time to time, may require care, intention, and self-awareness. This step of the emergency plan is about navigating those relationships thoughtfully, balancing your need for connection with your emotional safety.

Rather than ignoring discomfort, you could try approaching these interactions at your own pace. Protect your well-being with clear communication and appropriate boundaries. By honouring your needs and expressing them authentically, you can foster understanding and rebuild trust, even in complex relationships.

• Honour Your Pace Before Reconnecting:
  • It’s okay if you’re not ready to reconnect right away. This doesn’t mean your relationship is broken—it means your nervous system needs time.
  • Consider if at all and in what form you want to bring your experience into contact.
• Communicate with Consideration and Clarity: When you’re ready, reconnect. You can use the principles of Nonviolent Communication according to Marshall Rosenberg to communicate. Share your experience and express your needs with sentences like:
  • “When [specific behaviour] happened, I felt [e.g., panicked, unsafe]. What I needed was [e.g., a moment alone, a kind word]. Can you please [e.g. give me a hug].
  • “I’m not blaming you. – I’m sharing what helps me feel safe.”
  • “I felt overwhelmed earlier, and I’m still processing. Can we talk about this [later / slowly].
• Set Boundaries
  • Establishing and maintaining boundaries is essential when reconnecting with people who may not always feel emotionally safe. Boundaries are not about punishment—they’re about protecting your well-being and honoring your needs.
  • Define What’s Okay and What’s Not: Be clear with yourself about the behaviours, topics, or dynamics that feel unsafe or overwhelming.
  • E.g., “I’m okay having a short check-in, but I’m not ready for deep conversations yet.”
• Express your Needs / Make a Requests for the Future
  • Express what supports your safety in the future
  • E.g. “In the future I’d like us to pause tough conversations if I start feeling overwhelmed.”
  • E.g. “In the future, I will need to step away when need a break. I’ll come back in when I feel more grounded.”

Find a balance between self-expression and good rapport. Be understanding if respecting your pace and boundaries is sometimes perceived as triggering by the other person.

7. Self-Reflection

Emotional flashbacks are a complex experience. Often, it is initially unclear what triggered the experience. Sometimes the experience begins gradually and intensifies later. It is worthwhile to explore triggers and progression through the experience.

• Investigate External and Internal Triggers
  • External triggers: What happened right before the onset of the emotional flashback? – What situation, interaction, person was involved?
    Examples: criticism, disapproval, being ignored, failure, a certain glance, a certain tone of voice.
  • Internal triggers: What thoughts, internal dialogue or memory, happened right before the emotional shift?
    Examples: criticising oneself, feeling shame, feeling trapped.
  • Please note: Sometimes there are no clear triggers. Perhaps it was a brief moment or a fleeting thought that did not even enter your consciousness. Or perhaps you wake up already in a state of emotional flashback (i.e., perhaps there was a trigger in a dream you cannot remember). The search for triggers should be an expression of self-care and not another way to criticise yourself.
• Journal Your Experience: Write down what triggered you, how your body felt, and what helped. Use writing prompts like:
  • What external event or behaviour triggered me? (is this preventable? / does it constitute real danger or is it just a reminder of something old)
  • What internal behaviour triggered me?
  • Is there anything in my personal history these triggers are related to (e.g. family situation, behaviour of parents, punishment as a child etc.)
  • What did my nervous system need in that moment?
  • What helped me to calm down?
  • What small action supported my grounding?
  • What can do I better next time?
• Investigate (and celebrate) your Wins
  • If you noticed a slight shift (e.g., slower breathing, staying present longer), acknowledge it: “I took one step toward calm today.” / “I got out of the trigger quickly today”.
• Look for Patterns Over Time
  • Review your notes weekly.
  • Ask: Do certain situations repeat? Do certain people or feelings often trigger me?

Progress toward integration and healing requires awareness and practice of interventions. Due to the complexity of the triggers, progress is often not linear, but every small step counts.

Download: First-Aid Card for Emotional Flashbacks

This kit is a quick guide to support your nervous system when having an emotional flashback. You’re not alone in this, and every step you take is a brave one.

Personal Support / Emergency Help

This website provides general information and supportive resources and is not a substitute for professional therapy. If emotional flashbacks persist or feel uncontrollable, or you have suicidal thoughts, contact a local doctor or psychotherapist. Contact local support services.

In Frankfurt am Main, Germany, you may contact one of the following resources:

• Emergency Hotline for Psychiatric Clinics in Frankfurt am Main:
  You can reach one of the psychiatric clinics in Frankfurt 24/7 at +49 69 630 13 113. 
• Social Psychiatric Service of the Health Department in Frankfurt am Main:
  Doctors and social workers from the Social Psychiatric Service of the Health Department are available to support you in coping with mental and emotional crises on weekdays / during the day (selected times) at +49 69 212 33311.
• Psychosocial Crisis Service in Frankfurt am Main:
  At certain times (especially evenings and weekends) you can reach the crisis service of the Bürgerhilfe Sozialpsychiatrie Frankfurt am Main e.V. at (069) 61 13 75.

You are not alone. Reach out for professional help in time of crisis!

Further Reading

• Further information on emotional flashbacks. See particularly Chapter 8 of
  Walker, P. (2013), Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, Azure Coyote
• Pete Walker’s 13 Steps for the management of emotional flashbacks
  https://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm
• The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, developed by Yvonne Dolan for trauma therapy (Resolving Sexual Abuse, 1991), is an adaptation of Betty Erickson’s self-hypnosis method, often referred to as the Betty Erickson Technique.
  Dolan, Y. M. (1991). Resolving sexual abuse: Solution-focused therapy and Ericksonian hypnosis for adult survivors. W. W. Norton & Company.

Author: Volker Dammann

Updated: Oct 6, 2025