How Trauma Changes Our Experience

Trauma can profoundly affect how we experience ourselves and the world. It can affect

• How safe the world and relationships feel
• How the body reacts (fight, flight, freeze, or collapse)
• How emotions arise (and sometimes overwhelm us)
• How we relate to ourselves and others

In conditions such as Complex PTSD, the capacity for self-regulation and self-reflection can temporarily collapse during emotional activation. For example, during an emotional flashback, we may be overwhelmed by emotions or dissociated and unable to observe and regulate on ourselves.

At the same time, trauma typically cannot permanently destroy the potential for self-observation, self-reflection and self-compassion. However, access to this capacity becomes state-dependent, unstable, and easily overridden by survival responses. When arousal decreases and safety increases, the ability to notice, reflect, and regulate can return – at least temporarily.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), this recoverable capacity or self-observation, self-reflection and self-compassion is called the “Self”. Therapy does not expect constant access to this state. Instead in therapy, we works patiently to create the internal and relational safety needed for Self to re-emerge and gradually stabilise.

Trauma affects our experience, but it does not destroy our ability for self-observation and self-compassion. These capacities can be strengthened and recovered, contributing to deeper healing of wounded parts.

How to Approach Protective and Coping Strategies

Trauma can give rise to strong defensive and coping strategies, such as perfectionism, overwork, distractive activities, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, inner critics, dissociation, and impulsive behaviors. In complex trauma, these protective strategies may activate quickly, intensely, and automatically—particularly in emotionally charged or relational situations.

As a result, access to calm, clear, and reflective awareness (often referred to as the “Self”) may become unreliable or temporarily unavailable. This does not mean these qualities are lost; rather, they are obscured by survival-driven activation and require intentional support to become accessible again.

The following section outlines how this process can be understood from the perspectives of Polyvagal Theory and Internal Family Systems (IFS).

Nervous System Perspective – Establish Safety and Discharge Gently

From a nervous system perspective informed by Polyvagal Theory, even chronic trauma does not typically eliminate regulatory capacity altogether. However, the ability to self-regulate becomes state-dependent and difficult to sustain.

Somatic approaches such as Somatic Experiencing® therefore focus on helping clients reestablish a sense of safety and orientation in small, manageable steps. Cultivating somatic awareness allows clients to rediscover their capacity to experience subtle shifts, e.g. groundedness, warmth, a sense of space, or the experience of “I can hold this for a few moments longer.” Through this process, high levels of traumatic activation can be processed and discharged gradually, piece by piece. Over time, this supports an increased capacity to contain and regulate emotional arousal.

IFS Perspective – Approaching Parts from the Self

From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, protective strategies are understood as being driven by “parts.” These parts develop as survival responses shaped by overwhelming experiences. They are often described as Manager parts, which work to prevent danger before it occurs, and Firefighter parts, which act urgently when emotional pain becomes intolerable.

In IFS therapy, protective parts are approached from the Self, i.e. through the cultivation of calm presence, self-observation, compassion, and curiosity. Rather than being confronted or challenged, parts are met with respect, allowing them to feel seen and understood instead of threatened. As in somatic work, the pacing is careful and guided by the body and nervous system, with a strong emphasis on internal and relational safety. Over time, as Self energy becomes more accessible, protective parts can soften and reduce their urgency.

When survival-based responses are met with respect rather than resistance, they can begin to relax—creating space for the qualities of the Self, such as curiosity, compassion, and clarity, to emerge more fully.

Therapy Practice: Improve Access to the Self

In therapy sessions, we we look for subtle but meaningful shifts, small moments when access to Self becomes more possible. This can include:

• A pause in speaking
• Slightly slower breathing
• The body settling a bit more
• A sense of compassion or being touched

In these moments, perspective can shift – not through effort, but naturally.

In therapy, these experiences are consciously invited and enabled by gently guiding awareness. This allows protective parts to soften or step back, allowing the nervous system to gradually move toward greater regulation. At the same time more qualities of the Self such as compassion and curiosity can emerge. In conditions like complex trauma, such experiences may be more fleeting or inconsistent and may need more “practice”, yet they still occur.

Therefore, therapy does not assume continuous access to a Self state. Instead, it supports the gradual creation of internal and relational safety so that these moments can arise more often, last longer, and become more stable.

Therapy does not assume continuous access to a Self state. Instead, it supports the gradual creation of internal and relational safety and invites curiosity and compassion.

What If I Feel Completely Broken Inside?

Some trauma survivors say things like:
“There is nothing calm inside me,” or “I feel empty,” or “I don’t have a self.”

These experiences are real and make sense in complex trauma—especially during phases of high activation (“being triggered”), dissociation, or relational distress. In those states, reflective awareness can feel entirely absent.

In IFS inspired psychotherapy, we do not dismiss these feelings. We understand them as expressions of protective parts that formed in response to overwhelming experiences. These parts can carry trauma-shaped beliefs, which were necessary for survival at the time. When these parts are met with respect and curiosity, internal space can slowly open.

Healing does not add something new. It restores access to what has been obscured – gradually in small steps.

Conclusion: Reclaiming the Access to the Self

The focus of psychotherapy is on restoring access to innate capacities for stability, awareness, and agency. Rather than requiring a fundamental transformation, it is about reconnecting with qualities that may have been less accessible during long periods of survival and protection. As these capacities come back online, inner experience can feel more coherent and responsive, creating a foundation for lasting change.

Even brief moments of calm, reflective awareness can create significant shifts. When accessible, they soften protective patterns, reduce emotional intensity, ease processing of overwhelming experiences, and release internal tension. Over time, the nervous system shifts from survival mode toward states of connection, reflection, and choice.

Body-oriented trauma therapy supports this process gradually, at a pace that honors safety and nervous system limits. As therapy progresses, grounded presence becomes more frequent, embodied, and stable.

Trauma deeply shapes self-experience and worldview, yet it does not erase our capacity for awareness, compassion, and self-regulation. Healing simply means regaining gentle, gradual, and safe access to these innate qualities.

Further Reading & Footnotes

Further Reading

• Lanius, R. A., Terpou, B. A., & McKinnon, M. C. (2020). The sense of self in the aftermath of trauma: lessons from the default mode network in posttraumatic stress disorder. European journal of psychotraumatology, 11(1), 1807703. https://doi.org/10.1080/20008198.2020.1807703