How can I Learn to Process and Let Go of Emotions?
Emotions influence our thoughts, behavior, and interactions with others. Managing emotions well contributes to a more balanced and fulfilling life. If you learn to perceive and observe your emotions, you can transform unpleasant emotions and convert emotions into positive action energy.
This article will introduce you to the 6-Step-Model of managing emotions, an effective method for transforming emotions.
The Influence of Emotions on our Inner World
Emotionen as an internal compass
Emotions act as internal signals that guide us through various life situations.
Emotions are fundamental to our experience of the world. They act as internal signals that guide us through various life situations. By paying attention to our emotions, we gain valuable insights into our needs, desires, and boundaries.
Emotions drive our motivation and aspirations, help us manage relationships to other people and ourselves. Emotions serve as an internal compass, helping us fulfil our needs, set and achieve personal goals that align with our true desires.
For instance, feelings of joy might indicate that our need for connection or achievement is being met, while sadness could reveal a need for comfort or change. By tuning into these emotional cues, we become more attuned to what our body and mind are telling us, enabling us to take proactive steps to address and satisfy these needs, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Therefore it is important to understand how emotions are formed, how they interact with thoughts and how to process difficult emotions.
Emotions as a reaction to events in the environment
We react to external events through internal processing. The physical, emotional response is faster than the cognitive response. The sensory stimulus quickly reaches the emotional centers of our brain, triggering an emotional response.
The nervous system reacts to events before the information reaches the frontal lobe and higher mental processes such as thoughts, imagination, inner dialogue, interpretation and meaning-making begin. Therefore, thoughts take place against the background of physical and emotional processes. The neo-cortex then finds rational reasons for the emotional reaction.
Emotions are faster than thoughts.
Emotions and Thoughts
Thoughts give meaning and direction to our emotions and contribute to emotional states
Without immediate new environmental stimuli and at normal intensity (i.e. below the threshold of instinctive flight or fight reactions), higher mental processes contribute to emotional states.
Information gives our emotions meaning and direction. The emotion “I’m in love” makes little sense without the information “with whom?”. The emotion “I’m afraid” logically goes hand in hand with the information “of what?”.
Cognitive processes can also help maintain and reinforce emotional states. We notice that remembering the past or imagining a horror scenario for the future triggers an emotional response. Nevertheless, it is often difficult to change these thoughts intentionally.
Unprocessed Emotions
Changing thoughts, which contribute to negative emotional states is often difficult. It turns out that sucht thoughts are often driven by old, unprocessed emotions. That is why it is important to start here and begin with processing the emotions.
Unprocessed emotions may result from and contribute to unresolved situations and problem states. They may also be the result of unprocessed traumatic events.
Beneath unproductive or negative thoughts often unprocessed emotions can be found
If emotions are not acknowledged and processed, they may contribute to unhealthy coping mechanisms, thought patterns, and behaviours. Over time, this can have a profound impact on our mental and physical health. The result can be stress and anxiety, mental illnesses such as depression, or social withdrawal.
Processing and Releasing of Emotions
The key to emotional transformation
The keys to transformation of emotions are body sensations and awareness
When emotions get stuck, have no clear direction, or we get stuck in negative emotions and thoughts (e.g. sadness, shame, or anger), a new approach is often required:
An effective change in our inner experience requires processing emotions through the body. This means that we do not only proceed “top-down” (by changing thoughts), but above all “bottom-up”, i.e. by processing emotions and sensations in the body.
Processing through the body enables us to recognize, understand and express emotions. This allows us to reduce emotional tension, gain insight into our emotional triggers and develop healthier ways of managing stress and dealing with interpersonal relationship
Steps towards letting go
The steps to processing emotions are slowing down, becoming aware, accepting and mindfully dealing with emotions and sensations.
- The prerequisite is the slowing down of the experience
- Then I change the focus – I take physical sensations into consciousness as additional elements of the inner experience. This enables me to get out of the carousel of thoughts
- Then I become aware of the different elements of my inner experience: sensory experience, emotion and thoughts are given a good place.
- Awareness is achieved through verbalization and specification.
- I describe and name the emotion
- I specify the emotion – I am precise in describing the trigger and direction of the emotion
- Change is made possible by mindfulness and self-acceptance
The “Six S-Model” – 6 Steps of Emotional Processing
The following six steps will help you release negative emotions and transform them into productive energy.
Slow down &
become curious
Focus on your body sensations
Describe your body sensations & name the emotions verbally
Specify trigger, relevant relationships and direction of the emotion
Accept yourself & and support yourself with self-compassion
Express the emotion in a socially acceptable way
Six Steps of Emotional Processing in Detail
1. Slow it
Slow down & become curious
- Slow down your experience to find out what is happening!
- Pause between trigger and reaction.
- Become curious, have the intention to learn and explore!
2. Sense it
Focus you consciousness on body sensations.
- Notice, feel and explore your body sensations and physiological reactions
- Move towards physical sensations, emotions, thoughts – even if they are unpleasant
- Sensory impressions, sensations, activation levels, tension patterns in different parts of the body
- Notice what happens when it happens – be aware of it
- Notice parallel/sequential events (in the different sensory modalities)
- Notice your thoughts and memories (if they come up)
- Notice inner images, films, self-talk, sounds, voices, touches and taste/smell
3. Speak it
Describe the sensation & Name the emotion:
- Observe and describe what happens (without judging)
- Describe in words (speak out / inner voice / write down) your body sensations / inner experience (“I notice…” / “I feel…” / “I think of…” etc.)
- Name emotions
- Name emotions that are related to body sensations or experiences
- What are the basic emotions?
- Are there compound emotions?
- Describe the emotion precisely!
4. Specify it
Name the trigger, relationship-context & direction of the emotion:
- Who or what triggered the emotion?
- Who or what does the emotion belong to?
- e.g. What are you afraid of? Who or what makes you angry?
- Where does the situation belong?
- Here and now and people present or somewhere else (past / other people)?
- Direction of the emotion:
- Is the emotion directed at other people or at yourself?
5. Support it
Accept & Support yourself and your emotions with self-compassion – Accept what you are experiencing and support yourself without trying to change anything:
- Accept: Recognize what you are feeling right now and that this is OK!
- Connect: Say “Hello” to the feelings and thoughts internally
- Stay in the body: Stay with the body sensation for a while and notice all Thoughts without holding on to them.
- Support yourself / develop self-compassion: Breathe into the area of your body where you feel the sensation. Support the sensation by placing a hand there. As if you were supporting a friend by being with them (being there without wanting to change anything)
- Observe changes: Notice what is happening (without wanting to change anything)
6. Sensibly express it
Express the emotion appropriately
- Be clear: Be clear about your own feelings and express your needs. Use “I” statements to make sure you are heard and understood.
- Maintaining your composure: Manage and regulate your own emotions, prevent outbursts or overly intense displays that can overwhelm others
- Be appropriate to the social context: Tailor your expression of the emotion to fit the social setting
- Respect for others: Do not judge or blame others for past wrongdoings.
- Constructive outlets: Channel emotions into positive and productive activities, connecting to other people, engaging in physical activity, or just getting the task at hand done.
