Self-Management

How can I Learn to Process and Let Go of Emotions?

Emotions influence our thoughts, behaviour, and interactions with others. Managing emotions well contributes to a more balanced and fulfilling life. If you learn to perceive and observe your emotions, you can transform unpleasant emotions and convert emotions into positive action energy.

This article will introduce you to the 6-Step-Model of managing emotions, an effective method for transforming emotions.

Symbol image- Understand and process Emotions

Emotionen – Our Internal Compass

Emotions are vital signals from within, pointing us toward what matters, what hurts, and what needs attention and care. They act as internal signals that guide us through life situations – helping our interactions with others and our relationship to ourselves.

Emotions respond to our experience and have direction or intention

Emotions are responses to our experience. They have a content, meaning, direction or intention (so called “intentionality of emotions”).

Emotions may relate to people, relationships, behavior, events, memories, expectations or objects. They can be concerned with with the present or the past or the future. They can be directed at or respond to something real in the environment or respond to our thoughts, memories or imagined future events.

Emotions are our internal compass. They inform us about what’s important to us and how our actions affect our environment.

By paying attention to our emotions, we gain valuable insights into our needs and desires. Emotions help us set healthy boundaries and make decisions that align with both personal values ​​and relationship harmony.

Emotions are our inner compass that guides us through our lives

Emotions are our compass for three important themes:

  • Emotions as a compass for social relations
    Emotions help us regulating social relationships. Our emotions drive our behaviour to others. And we communicate to others through non-verbal emotional cues – and this way express our needs and wishes to others. Emotions help us understand others’ perspectives, respond appropriately to social cues, and foster mutual understanding.
    • For example, emotions can help build trust and intimacy (e.g. emotions like love), or signal when a relationship may need attention or our behaviour may need to change (e.g. emotions like shame and guild).
  • Emotions as a compass to needs, motivation and decision making
    Emotions also drive our needs, motivation and aspirations. Emotions help us orient ourselves in everyday life to what we want (towards motivation) and what we don’t want (away from motivation). This way emotions guide our behaviour and help us expressing (and signalling to others) our needs. They help us to making every day decisions and are a compass for larger goals and aspirations.
    • Emotions like joy and contentment guide us towards well-being, while emotions like fear and disgust keep us away from pain. Sadness may signal loss, the need to let go and a need for comfort and support. Anger can highlight where our boundaries have been crossed or values violated.
  • Emotions as a compass to detect threads and avoid danger
    In threat situations it is not our rational brain which responds – it is our emotional system, which provides a fast survival mechanism.
    • Emotions such as anger and fear allow us to respond quickly to threats and danger. These emotions mobilise energy to defending ourselves forcefully (fighting) or getting away as fast as possible (fleeing).

By tuning into emotional cues, we become more attuned not only to what our body and mind are telling us, but also to the emotional states of others. This emotional awareness enables us to take proactive steps to address and satisfy our needs while nurturing healthier and more authentic relationships.

The Influence of Emotions on our Inner World

Developing emotional literacy enhances both personal well-being and our ability to connect meaningfully with others. It is therefore important to understand how emotions arise, how they interact with thoughts and how to deal with difficult emotions.

Emotions as Immediate Reactions to the Environment

We react to external events through internal emotional processing. The unconscious physical, emotional response is often faster than the conscious response. Unconscious cognitive processes (such as pattern recognition and memory of past experiences) can also play a role.

The sensory stimulus quickly reaches the emotional centers of our brain, triggering an emotional response through the autonomous nervous system and / or associated behaviour (including facial expressions and muscle tensions)

Only thereafter, we evaluate the physical emotional reaction cognitively and identify the associated emotion. Higher mental processes such as conscious thoughts, imagination, inner dialogue, interpretation and meaning-making begin. Or we find rational reasons for the emotional reaction that has already occurred.

Emotional reactions are faster than conscious thoughts!

Emotional-Cognitive Feedback Loop

Under normal circumstances (in the absence of high levels of threat / survival responses), higher mental processes interpret emotional states and contribute to them. This can create a feedback loop:

Thoughts give meaning to our emotions and contribute to emotional states

On the one hand, Information & cognition provide meaning to our emotions and attributes it to an appropriate context. The emotion “I’m in love” makes little sense without the information “with whom?”. The emotion “I’m afraid” logically goes hand in hand with the information “of what?”.

On the other hand, cognitive processes can also help to create, maintain and reinforce emotional states. We notice that remembering the past or imagining a horror scenario for the future triggers an emotional response. Nevertheless, it is often difficult to change these thoughts intentionally.

Emotions and Body Sensations

Emotional reactions are typically accompanied by an autonomous activation of the nervous system. The resulting physical changes can be perceived as sensations in the body. For example, anxiety might manifest as a tight chest or a racing heart, while happiness can bring a sense of warmth or lightness.

Becoming aware of body sensations can help us identify emotions and regulate our emotional states. This way we can process and let go of emotions.

Working with awareness of body sensations and bodily signals forms the basis of many therapeutic practices, such Somatic Experiencing, Focusing and other mindfulness practices.

Awareness of body sensations supports emotional processing

Unprocessed Emotions

Beneath unproductive or negative thoughts often unprocessed emotions can be found

Changing thoughts, which contribute to negative emotional states is often difficult. It turns out that sucht thoughts are often driven by old, unprocessed emotions. That is why it is important to start here and begin with processing the emotions.

Unprocessed emotions may result from and contribute to unresolved situations and problem states. They may also be the result of unprocessed traumatic events.

If emotions are not acknowledged and processed, they may contribute to unhealthy coping mechanisms, thought patterns, and behaviours. Over time, this can have a profound impact on our mental and physical health. The result can be stress and anxiety, mental illnesses such as depression, or social withdrawal.

Processing & Releasing of Emotions

The key to emotional transformation

The keys to transformation of emotions are body sensations and awareness

When emotions get stuck, have no clear direction, or we get stuck in negative emotions and thoughts (e.g. sadness, shame, or anger), a new approach is often required:

An effective change in our inner experience requires processing emotions through the body. This means that we do not only proceed “top-down” (by changing thoughts), but above all “bottom-up”, i.e. by processing emotions and sensations in the body.

Processing through the body enables us to recognize, understand and express emotions. This allows us to reduce emotional tension, gain insight into our emotional triggers and develop healthier ways of managing stress and dealing with interpersonal relationship

Steps towards letting go

The steps to processing emotions are slowing down, becoming aware, accepting and mindfully dealing with emotions and sensations.

  • The prerequisite is the slowing down of the experience
  • Then I change the focus – I take physical sensations into consciousness as additional elements of the inner experience. This enables me to get out of the carousel of thoughts
  • Then I become aware of the different elements of my inner experience: sensory experience, emotion and thoughts are given a good place.
  • Awareness is achieved through verbalization and specification.
    • I describe and name the emotion
    • I specify the emotion – I am precise in describing the trigger and direction of the emotion
  • Change is made possible by mindfulness and self-acceptance

The “Six S-Model” – 6 Steps of Emotional Processing

The following six steps will help you release negative emotions and transform them into productive energy.

1
Slow it

Slow down & become curious

2
Sense it

Focus on your body sensations

3
Speak it

Describe your body sensations & name the emotions verbally

4
Specify it

Specify trigger, relevant relationships and direction of the emotion

5
Self-Support it

Accept yourself & and support yourself with self-compassion

6
Sensibly Express it

Express the emotion and unfulfilled needs in a socially acceptable way

Six Steps of Emotional Processing in Detail

1. Slow it

Slow down & become curious

  • Slow down your experience to find out what is happening!
  • Pause between trigger and reaction.
  • Become curious, have the intention to learn and explore!

2. Sense it & perceive it

Focus your awareness on body sensations and also notice other perceptions

  • Notice, feel and explore your body sensations and physiological reactions
  • Move towards physical sensations, emotions, thoughts – even if they are unpleasant
    • Sensory impressions, sensations, activation levels, tension patterns in different parts of the body
  • Notice what happens when it happens – be aware of it
    • Notice parallel/sequential events (in the different sensory modalities)
  • Notice your thoughts and memories (if they come up)
    • Notice inner images, films, self-talk, sounds, voices, touches and taste/smell

3. Speak it

Describe the sensations, speak out your thoughts and name the emotion:

  • Observe and describe what happens (without judging)
    • Describe in words (speak out / inner voice / write down) your inner experience (body sensation, thoughts, emotion.
      • “I notice…” (body sensation / where in your body)
      • “I think of…” (thought)
      • “I feel…” (emotion)
      • etc.
  • Name & describe the emotion(s)
    • Name emotions / emotional experience
    • Which of the the basic emotions is it (consider for example: Fear, Anger, Sadness, Surprise, Disgust, Contempt, Shame)?
    • Are there compound emotions?
    • Describe the emotion precisely!

4. Specify it

Name the trigger, relationship-context & direction of the emotion:

  • Who or what triggered the emotion? 
    • Who or what does the emotion belong to?
    • e.g. What are you afraid of?  Who or what makes you angry?
  • Where does the situation belong?  
    • Here and now and people present or somewhere else (past / future / other people)?
  • Direction of the emotion: 
    • Is the emotion directed at other people or at yourself?

5. Support it

Accept & Support yourself and your emotions with self-compassion – Accept what you are experiencing and support yourself without trying to change anything:

  • Accept: Recognize what you are feeling right now and that this is OK!
  • Connect: Say “Hello” to the feelings and thoughts internally
  • Stay in the body: Stay with the body sensation for a while and notice all Thoughts without holding on to them.
  • Support yourself / develop self-compassion: Breathe into the area of ​​your body where you feel the sensation. Support the sensation by placing a hand there. As if you were supporting a friend by being with them (being there without wanting to change anything)
  • Observe changes: Notice what is happening (without wanting to change anything)

6. Sensibly express it

Express the unfulfilled need behind the emotion appropriately in the appropriate context / to the people where it matters

  • Be clear: Be clear about your own feelings and express your needs. Use “I” statements to make sure you are heard and understood.
  • Maintaining your composure: Manage and regulate your own emotions, prevent outbursts or overly intense displays that can overwhelm others
  • Be appropriate to the social context: Tailor your expression of the emotion to fit the social setting
  • Respect for others: Do not judge or blame others for past wrongdoings.
  • Constructive outlets: Channel emotions into positive and productive activities, connecting to other people, engaging in physical activity, or just getting the task at hand done.